But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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