we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
