Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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