Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.