Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
