I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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