I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
