fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
