I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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