Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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