Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
