I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
