Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
