His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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