Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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