U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
