she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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