Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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