one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
