What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
