Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
