The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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