Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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