Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
