Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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