AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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