Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
