Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
