oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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