I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
