Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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