If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
