I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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