dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
