I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
