how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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