The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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