You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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