Cold hands, warm shart.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
