hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
