Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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