I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
