final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
