Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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