I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
