it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
