He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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