My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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