You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
