Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
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I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
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She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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