then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.