He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.