Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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