I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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