my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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