If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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