I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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