I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
