i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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