I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
where does the pee come out of this thing
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
