hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize