A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
