If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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