my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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