drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
