The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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