I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
