i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
