I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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