He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize