Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
