we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
