After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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