Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
