I want to stick my p in your. b.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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