The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Randomize
