he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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