Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
