Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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