i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
