he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
