Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
