I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
