youre lurking in front of me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
