Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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