Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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