so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
